Monday, November 13, 2006

A Christmas Story

There's a slight nip to the air and that can only mean one thing...Christmas is coming. Not only does it mean that I'll have a two week holiday, but it means that a few of my favorite things will be played on television and on the radio.

1. A Christmas Story..."You'll shoot your eye out, Ralphie."

2. Love, Actually...
will be in heavy rotation in my DVD player.

Mariah Carey's song, "All I Want for Christmas" will be played on the radio and in my car.

I did a search on You Tube for Mariah Carey's video, but I found something better. I found people who actually sing her song and dance around as badly as I do when it's played. Watch and you'll see that they sing the final high notes like I do in my car or at home. How could you keep from doing it? hehe!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Quiz Show

What do all these songs have in common? They are all from the 80s and most are female artists. What is the connecting thread, I wonder? Have fun speculating.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Grey Gardens

"...but you see in dealing with me the relatives didn't know that they were dealing with a *staunch* character. And I'll tell you if there's anything worse than a *staunch* woman...S-T-A-U-N-C-H....there's nothing worse. I'm telling you. *deep sigh* They're matter what. But they didn't know that. How were they to know?..."

They played a clip from the documentary on The View today. I love my DVR. Had I not had it, I would have never been able to see Little Edie.

Here is a picture of the real "Little" Edie Beale (left) and Christine Ebersol (right), who is currently playing her on Broadway in a new musical. I've also included a clip from a performance Christine did recently.


A week ago Sunday, MSH and I went Celebrity stalking downtown in the warehouse district. There was a local red carpet event at the D-Day Museum that featured Ryan Phillipe and Jesse Bradford.

Unfortunately for us, it was a rainy Sunday and it was a Saint's game day.

We arrived about 3 0'clock that afternoon and parked about two or three blocks away. We trekked back to the museum from where we'd parked, and when we arrived there there was hardly anyone there. The museum closed early because they were going to have a screening and a discussion afterward, so we couldn't even walk around inside and wait.

We then decided to kill some time and walk around. You know, it was raining and semi-icky, but I enjoyed spending part of my Sunday with MSH.

We never got to see any stars even though they eventually got there. The pictures you see are ones I took as we were leaving the area. There was one SUV limo type vehicle and about 5 girls and one guy waiting outside the museum. My bet is that that the guy was probably gay. That's my new equation...many girls + one guy = gay dude. What do you think?

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Marie Antoinette

Earlier today Julie and I went to see Sofia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette". I thought I would enjoy it more, but I just didn't.

I left remembering the chocolates, pastries, champagne, and extravagant gobs of food they were served every 5 minutes, or so, rather than the actual movie. I was looking forward to listening to New Order's "Age of Consent", but, alas, she didn't include it. It was only for the movie's trailer.

The director made the girls look very pretty and delicate, and Kiki looked especially adorable except for maybe her two stray teeth. They were very distracting.

See! She's trying to hide them.

I don't know. I really liked seeing the gowns and the gardens of Versailles.

Did I mention I loved all the food?

If Sofia's point was to say that Marie Antoinette was too young to be queen and that she was mostly worried about the world within the confines of Versailles all the while forgetting her subjects, then she made her point. It was all frivolity and not much substance.

I also know she intended to have the actors speak in their own accents, but she could've at least demanded a tiny bit of a French accent when pronouncing people's names and French locations. Sometimes I felt like I was listening to tourists trying desperately to sound local. Ugh! Would you like some Franch Fries? My eardrums were slowly bleeding. Is it any wonder the French dislike us?

Did I mention the food? Deelicious!

Marianne Faithful was also delectable. She played Marie's mother to perfection. I love her husky voice and the authority she projected. She was cast perfectly.

Oh, and the food...did I mention the food? LOL, let me reach for my glass of champagne.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Valley of the Dolls

OK, I've had a slightly crazy day. Work wasn't so bad, but getting home and taking a nap always throws me off balance. I always wake up from a nap slightly startled because I always think I'm waking up late for work.

Today was my godchild's birthday. She's 12! I can't believe she's almost a teenager. I remember holding her when she was baptized. I believe I'm a good godfather, but sometimes I think her parents, my oldest friends, don't appreciate me for my efforts. Anyway, it's not about them, but about Gabby. I'm always there to call her on her birthday and Christmas and if she needs me for anything else. However, it always stresses me out to call around those times of the year. Again, not because of her, but because of her parents. We've grown apart and that's ok, but I try harder than they do and I'm tired of doing that.

So, not only is it her birthday today, but tomorrow is my mother's birthday too. She told me what she wanted last week, a jewelry box. I found some online, but they wouldn't make it here on time unless I paid something like 50$ in shipping charges. I decided to go to the mall and find it instead. I was so busy this past weekend that I TOTALLY forgot to do it. *Bad Son*

Again, last minute Breezy was out at the mall tonight looking for a jewelry box. I went to Pier 1, Linens N Things, Dillards and walked all around Lakeside mall, but I couldn't find one. I finally thought of JC Penney. I found a jewelry box there. THANK the GODS! By this point I was ready to fall to my knees crying and pleading, "I just want a jewelry box. For the love of God Please help me find a jewelry box." I'm glad I found one because I really didn't want to have a breakdown in the middle of the mall.

So, I get home afterward, and I start watching if I need to be tortured anymore. I recorded this particular one because it was part of the Road Trip series and I wanted to see their lovefest cross country. At one point during the show Gayle is having problems with her contacts and she needs to take them out and get her glasses. Oprah says to her, as Gayle is struggling to get the lenses out and turn the inside car light on, "Here baby, let me get the light."
Um, need I say more? That was my money shot. My night is complete.

Oh, three beers and a Xanax help too. hehehe

I love my dolls!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

The Women

"Get ready, cuz here we come..." so go the lyrics of the CW's TV spots this season. If you were a fan, or a viewer of the former WB, then you already know that it was merged with UPN to become a new network, the CW.

I wasn't a Gilmore Girls viewer until the last quarter of the 2004-2005 season (its 5th). I became a full fledged fan of it's fast talking, completely funny, and often times brainy writing the following season. A large part of the show's success is owed to the chemistry between Lauren Graham, who plays mom Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter, Rory, played by Alexis Bledel. The fast talking done by them, and the rest of the show's actors, is what moves this show along at a frenetic pace.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I'm traveling home and I see this ginormous billboard of Lauren Graham around Earhart and Clearview. I had to stop and take a picture.

MSH and I have been on a strict diet of GG since mid-July. I'd already seen season 1 and was beginning to receive season two through Netflix when MSH joined me. We finally finished season 5 last night. I saw all of season 6 when it aired, but MSH wasn't a fan, yet. I'm glad I converted him. He loves it now, and it's fun to talk to him about a show I *really* enjoy watching.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

New York, New York

We're coming to the edge,
Running on the water,
Coming through the fog,
Your sons and daughters.

Let the river run,
Let all the dreamers
Wake the nation.
Come, the New Jerusalem.

Silver cities rise,
The morning lights
The streets that meet them,
And sirens call them on
With a song.

It's asking for the taking.
Trembling, shaking.
Oh, my heart is aching.

We're coming to the edge,
Running on the water,
Coming through the fog,
Your sons and daughters.

We the great and small
Stand on a star
And blaze a trail of desire
Through the dark'ning dawn.

It's asking for the taking.
Come run with me now,
The sky is the color of blue
You've never even seen
In the eyes of your lover.

Oh, my heart is aching.
We're coming to the edge,
Running on the water,
Coming through the fog,
Your sons and daughters.

It's asking for the taking.
Trembling, shaking.
Oh, my heart is aching.

We're coming to the edge,
Running on the water,
Coming through the fog,
Your sons and daughters.

Let the river run,
Let all the dreamers
Wake the nation.
Come, the New Jerusalem.

Sunday, September 10, 2006


For someone who is the Fashion Director of Elle Magazine and celebrity judge on Project Runway, you should know better than to stand, on a red carpet, all uncomfortable looking like you, Neena Garrrcia!

You are here to impress us.

Fringe?! Who wears fringe? :-)

Ahhh, it feels good to dish it back.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Let me begin by saying that the following is an email I sent to Bonnie Dominguez of recent Project Runway semi-fame.

Hi, Bonnie.

My name is Carlos Martinez and I am a resident of New
Orleans. I am a fan of yours from seeing your designs on Project
Runway. We no longer have a Macy's here, so I have not been able to see
Angela's winning outfit. Bare with me here, it's not about her. Anyway, so
I'm at a Macy's in AL this Labor Day weekend, and my sister and I stumble
upon the winning outfit. To my amazement, behind that particular mannequin
there were 4, count 'em, 4 mannequins sporting cowl neck tunics of various
colors. How dare Nina Garcia ask your team, "Who wears cowl necks?"
hehehe. I was rooting for you Bonnie, and I wish you all the

Carlos Martinez, New Orleans, LA

Hi Carlos...hahaha. that is what i'm talkin about!ALSO chloe, chanel, marc
jacobs among almost every designer collection has cowl necks this season... as
well as the pages of elle magazine (i guess nina does not read her own
mag?) anyway thanks for noticing... I thought I was the only one!

bonnie d-

This email is what greeted me this afternoon when I opened up my Gmail account. I almost deleted it, but I was curious to see who this Bonnie person was sending me email on an account I check every other day.

Well, it turns out I’d forgotten about emailing Bonnie Dominguez, an ousted contestant from Project Runway, this past weekend over my outrage at Nina Garcia, a Project Runway judge saying,
“Who wears cowl necks?”
I Googled her and found her website. I figured, “What the hell?” I’ll email her and I’ll probably never hear from her again.

So, I was thoroughly surprised when I opened up my email today and saw that she’d written me back. I read through the email in total disbelief and then I ran around my living room trying to find my cell phone to call my sister, who watches the show as religiously as I do, to tell her all about my small brush with minor celebrity.

Words cannot explain my excitement over something that may seem so silly to others. Yay, me!!!

Monday, September 04, 2006


Friday, September 1, 2006
It’s official. Today I became Old Aunt Edna. My parents, the family dog- Jade, and I are barreling down Interstate-10 heading to Montgomery, AL to visit my sister and her fiancĂ©. Who would’ve thought that a not-so-old Toyota Camry station wagon would come to remind me of that old beat-up station wagon in the early 80’s film, “Vacation? Here I am sharing the back seat with Jade. She takes up 75% of the seat and I am in the last quarter of it. The A/C in here is a bit dodgy, so it’s not cold, but it’s not hot either. It’s slightly bothersome. I was reading my Anna Wintour unauthorized biography when sleep began to take me away. I slept upright and my head lolled from left to right as the car traveled on. It was then that I realized I was Aunt Edna, except I’m still alive. Maybe, I should stay awake so Aunt Edna’s fate doesn’t become mine. (12;22 pm)

Saturday, September 02, 2006
Today we woke up at the butt-crack of dawn and Melissa picked us up. We headed out to Birmingham on a semi-shopping spree. My parents haven’t seen a Macy’s for months, so my sister was kind enough to take time out of her day to take us out on a field trip.

Dad asked Melissa to please drop off some mail for him the night before, but it slipped her mind and she still had them in the car this morning. She showed them to Mom and me (aw, shit!), and we promised not to tell Dad.

I slept most of the way up there. Put me in a car on a long trip and I’ll sleep most of the way there. I think it keeps me from getting carsick. It’s just happens for some reason-the falling asleep.

After about an hour, we get to the mall and we pull up to the Macy’s lot. We all get out of the car and head inside. I had to pee so bad as usual, so I expeditiously to the bathroom. Actually, we all had to go for some reason. I didn’t know I was that influential.

After our potty break, we split up into two factions. My mother and father went on their merry way, and Melissa and I made our plan of escape to put Dad’s bills in the mail without him knowing.

We quickly ducked out of Macy’s and since Melissa kinda knew where she was going we started the drive into a suburban part of Birmingham. It’s such a beautiful part of the city. You are completely surrounded by green hills and the houses on the hills make it look rather ritzy. It’s not home, but it’s sure nice to look at. They even have small sections called villages that look quite like Stars Hollow in “Gilmore Girls”. Anyway, Melissa finally decided that we should drop it off at a hotel just down the street. Since I was the passenger, Melissa thought that I should be the one to get out. Had I been quick enough I would have told her that she was the one who forgot. She had been the one left with that responsibility. Score another point for baby girl.

We headed back to Macy’s, and for some reason I can’t remember anymore, we ended up in the women’s dept. There, before my eyes, was a mannequin with Angela’s winning design from “Project Runway”. It actually didn’t look so bad. It had all her granny circles and the detailed Empire State Building inspired lining on the inside. Naturally I had to take a picture of me all up in the mannequin’s face. *Hehehe* What was really weird about being in the INC section of that dept. was behind Angela’s design where there were 4 mannequins with fucking cowl necks! I know if you don’t watch the show you wouldn’t know what was so wrong with that, so let me explain.

Bonnie Rodriguez, the team leader for another team, was tortured for making a cowl neck sweater. Neeena Garrrrcia, one of the judges, almost yelled, “Who wears cowl necks?” She had tone for sure. Then Mahmet blah, blah, blah, someone important in charge of fashion something or other at INC, said, “Her outfit was triple LY. Last year, last year, last year.” How dare he say that and then have those cowl neck tunics for the fall season in his dept. Ugh! This show is frustrating.

After what seemed like hours, we finally left Macy’s and headed out to eat lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. I had the meatloaf with garlic-mashed potatoes, and a vegetable medley I can’t remember. Deeelicious! We headed out to DSW, the biggest freakin’ shoe store I’ve ever been in. I had sandals on, so I couldn’t really try any shoes on, but my mother and sister managed to buy some shoes even after having bought some at Macy’s. Women sure do love their shoes!

We finally drove back home and rested for a few hours. That night we went out to a Mexican restaurant. I can’t remember the name so I hope my sister comments and leaves the name. I highly recommend it. It’s partly owned by a man from Honduras. Go Catrachos! J I had a shrimp burrito completely covered in this delicious white cheese, and a beer.

We dropped my sister off, and the drove back to our hotel.

Sunday, September 3, 2006

Monday, August 28, 2006

Hurricane on the Bayou

After great pain, a formal feeling comes-
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs-
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?
The Feet, mechanical, go round-
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought-
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone-
This is the Hour of Lead-
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freeing persons, recollect the Snow-
First-Chill-then Stupor-then letting go-
ca. 1862 Emily Dickinson

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Somewhere in Politics

Your Political Profile:
Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal
Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Monday, August 07, 2006

Working Girl

My sister, Trixie, and I talk on a daily basis just about. She's really plugged in to the entertainment Matrix and knows all the Hollywood gossip before I get a chance to even process it. Marshall tries to keep up with me, but I have to keep up with both of them.

We talked earlier today about incidental daily stuff, but no mention of what she emailed me later on. Here it is:

"The New York Daily News reports [Jessica] Simpson is mulling over whether to star in an update of 1988's "Working Girl," which earned Melanie Griffith an Oscar nod for playing a big-haired, baby-voiced secretary with executive-level dreams.

Confirms her flack to the paper, "It is one of the scripts Jessica is considering."

Baby girl, as Valerie Cherish would say, consider no more. If you dare to even come close enough to even put your, what I presume to be fat feet, in Tess McGill's shoes, you'll be in a whole lot of trouble. Granted Melanie was drinking and snorting coke during the filming of this movie, but it just goes to show what a great acting job she pulled off while doing so. All the booze and coke in the world wouldn't be enough to get you to be as subtle as Melanie in that part. Don't. Even. Go. There.

Now, for your enjoyment, some quotes from the movie (They're all favorites so in no particular order):

1.Cynthia: Can I get ya anything? Coffee? Tea? Me?

2.[Looking through Katherine Parker's wardrobe]
Cynthia: Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!

3. Tess McGill: I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?

4. Tess McGill: [to Katherine] Look, you, maybe you've got everyone around here fooled with this saint act you have going, but do not ever speak to me again like we don't know what really happened, you got me?
Katherine Parker: Tess, this is business. Let's just bury the hatchet, okay?
Tess McGill: You know where you can bury your hatchet? Now get your bony ass outta my sight!

5.Tess McGill: What if he doesn't?... pop the question?
Katherine Parker: I really don't think that's a variable. We're in the same city now, I've indicated that I'm receptive to an offer, I've cleared the month of June... and I am, after all, me.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Dog Days of Summer

It's the Sunday before I start back at work, so please no:

"Aw, poor baby"

playing an imaginary violin with your thumb and index finger


throwing me a surprise pity party.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This has officially been declared, by me, The Summer of Carlos. I had a very informal list of things to do and I've done practically most of them. Here's my very informal list that I am forcing myself to type from the recesses of my brain.

1. Go on vacation (check)
2. Fly via airplane to my destination because driving for hours is highly overrated after Katrina.(check)
3. Stay in a fancy hotel (check...The Hilton Resort near Magic Kingdom)
4. Go to The New Orleans Museum of Art (check)
5. Redo my bedroom. (check...almost)
6. Attend an outdoor summer activity (Future Check...going to Zephyrs Baseball game Friday - Thanks, Julie!)
7.Buy The Comeback DVD with Lisa Kudrow...(check...bought it the day it went on sale)

So, on this Sunday, like every other Sunday before work begins in the fall, I usually start feeling anxious and disgusted that I wasted another summer doing nothing. I don't feel that way today of all days. I can look back on these past weeks and know that I've been places and I've done things that I'd not done in a long time.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Analyze This

Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful

You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog.
Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights.
A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time.
You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

I'm not sure I agree with this assessment, but oh well.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Smiles of a Summer Night

There are so many reasons to smile on this humid mid-summer night in late July that I could make a TOP 5 list, but I shall refrain from the temptation.

Reason 1: Marshall got a raise today. I'm so very happy for him. He deserves it after all the extra work he's had to do since the storm whose name we shall not utter.

Reason 2: I would like to direct your attention to the two bookcases above. The one on the left is the before bookcase. Please take notice of the one on the right. I painted that one. I lightly accessorized it. I finally finished it. I'm exhausted!

I couldn't be on Trading Spaces While You Were Out Sell This House kinda shows. 48 hours worth of painting and sanding and painting some more. There's a reason my hands are soft is all I have to say! LOL

Reason 3: I recently rented two movies that are not necessarily "Hollywood" in style, but have high entertainment value...Junebug and 8 Women (Huit Femmes)

Junebug is a story of a southern family with plenty of feelings simmering just beneath the suface. It never makes southerners look uneducated. If you've ever been in a rural area that's not quite farmland, you'll see those images on the screen.

8 Women is a French movie simmering with intrigue and sensuality, and somewhat musical to boot! "Mon Amour, Mon Ami" is my favorite song in the soundtrack. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Magical World of Disney

After ten years or so, I finally got the opportunity to return to Walt Disney World in FL. I'll write more about it later, but here's my most prized possesion after my Star Wars Intergalactic Passport (with my name on it) given to me by my boyfriend, Marshall (MSH) Mickey Mouse ears.

I've been asked if I had my name monogrammed on it, but we were running around so much that I completely forgot about it. Believe me, had I remembered, my name would have been on there, and no I didn't have the balls to wear it around the park even though I was encouraged to do so by my friends.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles

I love this copying and pasting of HTML code. I don't understand it, but I like that I can copy and paste it and *POP* out comes out a graphic of some sort.

I stumbled onto these websites by reading someone else's blog. I thought it would be interesting to see how many states and countries I've visited over the years.

This is where I found the visited states' map:

create your own visited states map

This is where I found the map with the countries you've visited:

create your own visited countries map

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Stand By Me, Whitney

This is dedicated to the woman I wrote about in yesterday's post.

Saturday, July 01, 2006


Today I went to see A Prairie Home Companion at my local multiplex. As you know, this is based on the long running NPR (National Public Radio) show. What's on celluloid is not necessarily what has happened to the show, but it's very close if not a dead-on account of what happens on the actual live show. I went because not many of my friends showed an interest in it, and I wanted to see it before it left the theater. This isn't what my entry is about, but it was a strange contrast from what I heard on the radio on my way home.

I left the theater pleased the movie didn't completely suck, but, instead, left a pleasant after-taste. I walked over to my car. I put the key in my ignition and then my radio came on. "I'll Always Love You" by Taylor Dayne was playing, so I changed the station. Not because the song was overplayed back in the eighties, but because I wasn't in the mood for the cool stylings of Ms. Dayne. I search settled on my local talk radio station, and when I say settled I mean settled. I wasn't in the mood for talk, but there wasn't anything else good playing.

Anyway, the agony and ecstasy to talk radio is that you are always entering in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes the conversation is entertaining, and then other times it can be as annoying as waiting in a long line when you only have to buy one thing. However, with radio you can always change the station. Waiting in line is not always optional. Sometimes you have to be there. So, I'm listening to some woman talk and not really focusing on the conversation when I hear her mentioning something about illegal immigrants and asking the radio host about reporting people to Immigration (INS). She actually wanted to report some of her neighbors to INS. Words cannot explain the craziness of her statements. I mean, are these people having boxes and boxes labeled EXPLOSIVES being brought in and out of their house? Do they have a constant flow of people in and out their house at all hours? What makes them suspicious? She never said. She almost explained her reasons for needing to call INS, but the host cut her off and said they had to go to commercial break.

Our nation has been a place of fear and distrust for some time now, but are we becoming a nation that calls the authorities on you because you look foreign? This caller, kept saying the word foreigners when she mentioned her neighbors. Foreigners! Aliens! Fags! Niggers! What the Fuck?! I don't want to think we are spiraling down this slippery slope that we'll have a hard time getting up from. I hope a change will come soon, or at the very least in two years.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The (Real) DaVinci Code

This explains it all.
*Photo credit goes to The Malcontent's Video website*
This is Mad TV's version of Ms. O
and another

Monday, May 29, 2006

12 Monkees

Well, actually, just one. Micky Dolenz.

On my way home from work today, NPR blaring through my car speakers and concentrating while I barrelled down the "bridge" that is the Huey P. Long, I saw The One Monkee. Micky Dolenz. He has a huge ass billboard announcing his concert at some local casino. (the name escapes me) I think it's great that he's the one putting that group's name out there. He's still the one out there singing those songs and making some money.

As I neared the 2 story high billboard, during my descent onto the east bank, I thought about him singing without his other Monkees.

Hey, Hey I'm the Monkee.
People say I Monkee around.
I'm too busy singing,
To put anybody down.

I'm just tryin' to be friendly

Come and watch me sing and play

I'm the old generation

And I've got something to say...


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Rules of Engagement

I was at work today reading my online version of Entertainment Weekly since I still can't get my print version in my damn mailbox!!!!! *phew* but I digress.

I was reading the daily Popwatch blog at EW where I saw that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are officially engaged to be married. Imagine my joy when I thought of the possibilities. Let me explain.

You see, finally, we'll be able to really see who has the problem in conceiving children. If Nic and Keith have a child of their own without adopting then we'll know it wasn't Nic who had the problem conceiving. In my crazy mind it only further proves that Tom and Kate's spawn was not conceived naturally. I couldn't have been. I mean Nic and Tom adopted children for whatever reason(him know...bent) and didn't have them naturally. I hope that we'll finally see who the liar is in this twisted tale. Then again, probably not. I'll keep following this strange story.

Monday, May 15, 2006


I've heard it said that "A mother knows her children." Today I discovered that "A child knows his mother."

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I, like many others I hope, spent it with my respective mother. Hard as it may seem to believe, I usually plan birthdays, holidays, and other occassions that require gifts way ahead of time. This year, however, I only bought my cards a month back and that was it as far as the gift buying goes.

So Saturday I was running around looking for flowers or plants. My mother loves receiving flowers or plants. (Her thumb is very green. She could revive a dead plant like you wouldn't believe.) I decided on giving her some potted roses and dahlias. Unfortunately, the dahlia pot I chose only had one white blooming flower. That's mainly the reason why I also bought the roses. I knew my mother would notice that I had given my aunt a pot full of blooming flowers and hers only had one. I figured the roses would distract her. I knew when my sister gave her these beautiful flowers (name unknown for the time being), that my gift would not measure up. I saw it in her face, or maybe it was that I was projecting my feelings onto her as I often do with others but I knew this was not going over well. She put on a brave face, I gave her a hug and a kiss and she loved the gift.

Today, on my way home for a fake dentist appointment (Don't judge me! I had a tough week last week and I needed a break even if it was just to leave early.), I called my mother on my way home as I usually do. Some kind of way we got on the subject of Mother's Day. Wouldn't you know it? My mother mentioned those flowers I gave her. We laughed about it and I told her I knew she'd notice that her flower pot only had one blooming flower. She had, but she loved it anyway. She didn't make me feel bad about it. I know she loved the flowers even though the flowers I gave my aunt were a showier presentation. That's one of the many reasons I love my mother. She is a very giving person with lots of love in her heart for those who are close to her.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Secrets and Lies

Why do we keep secrets? Do we keep them to protect others? Do we keep them to protect ourselves? Are we selfish for not telling the truth or are we just cowards?

Sometimes friends do things that they know is not right, but they do it anyway. Then they come to you seeking your advice to problems they know there is only one solution to...the truth. The problem with that simplified answer is that telling the truth will drive a wedge between existing friendships. Friendships that have existed for many years. What to do?

I don't know. Thankfully, this doesn't involve me. Unfortunately, I can't say anything more than that. Unfortunately.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Story of O

Well, I finally did it. I finally came out at work.

I finally came out as an Oprah-hatah! It happened because another teacher, a highly respected one, came out and said she disliked Miz O too. It was such a relief to admit that to all those O-lovin'-mother F*#@!rs!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Coyote Ugly

Ugh! It's midnight on a Friday night and I'm at home. There's nothing on TV. There's no Battlestar Galactica, damnit! What Not To Wear is getting to be repetitive, arg! I'm bored.

So it's between Dr. 90210 or The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search on Country Music Television(CMT) or QVC.

I can't watch Dr. 90210 because I don't like seeing people getting their noses chiseled or seeing people's hanging loose flesh after losing 500 pounds. *drive heave*

Even though I'm all about QVC every once in a while, I have to be in the mood to sit and watch tacky jewelry paired with even tackier shapeless clothes.

My only other choice then is turning the Tube off or watching the Coyote Ugly reality show. Sadly, Coyote won. Ayayay! I'm watching to see who will be *the* ultimate Coyote Ugly girl and win $25,000. Is it any wonder it's on the bottom end of the basic cable line-up? All these young women dancing up a storm to be a bartender, and for what? Basic anonymity after winning the competition, bartending, and selling her soul to the femi-nazi who owns and founded the chain? They seem to think it's worth it, but I think some of these girls just want to be on television like everyone else on a reality show. Yet I can't seem to change the channel. I've hit a new low. :-(

On an even sadder note:
I kinda want to see the next episode because they will be finishing up the competition in New Orleans soon after Katrina when they re-opened the local Coyote Ugly. The femi-nazi owner/founder lives in the New Orleans area, so I find that to be interesting.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Running Woman

Congratualations to my sister, Trixie, for running her first 5k race. I'm very proud of her!

"Rocky's Theme"
"Trying hard now, its so hard now, trying hard now..Getting strong now, wont be
long now, getting strong now..Gonna fly now, flying high now, gonna fly, fly,

Monday, April 10, 2006

The Immigrant Experience: The Long, Long Journey

Britney Spears, Baby Federline, and Nanny make three!
(That's for the entertainmently challenged and my boyfriend, MSH.)


Yeah, *you* illegal immigrants! *smack gum*

I just want to let y'all know that I am all for y'all.

See my nanny? Like she's from one of those countries in South America that ends in 'guay'. She's great with my baby.

If you need help, come see me. I speak immigrant. Y'all. *smack gum*

(I hate her. I just do.)

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Omen

You know what I just realized? Tom Cruise's spawn is scheduled to hatch "some time" in April. Is it a coincidence that Mission Impossible III(let's make it a classy sequel with the Roman numerals) premieres May 5th?

I. Don't. Think. So.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Roller Boogie

Cheez! It's what the body needs.

I love me some cheez. I especially love me some Cheez-tastic movies. One of my all time, and I do mean all time, favorite Cheez-tastic movies is ROLLER BOOGIE. If you have not checked it out, then you should. Where else can you see Linda Blair set fashion trends (reversible belt), skate her little heart out, and act badly(yet, again)?

My friend, Michael, sent me the following video of Cher singing one of the featured songs in the movie's soundtrack. Totally Gay! Totally Cher! Redundant, I know.

"Well I'm hell on wheels I'm a rollah mama
I can slide down places that you never knew

Try me on for size at the

If you tie my laces then I'll follow you.. Follow you... follow you

When you see the video you'll see that all the men in it are gay. They're not noticing Cher, they're just cruising. One might say she's just the MC of the festivities. I swear there are even a few drag queens in there.

Oh to have skated in the 70s! *sigh*

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


I was getting my daily dose of Pop News on Popwatch at, when I read that Xanadu is on its way to becoming a musical. First, Grey Gardens and now Xanadu! What more could a gay man want?!

On a side note, I saw this on my friend's blog. The result, as you read the ending of this entry is purely an unusually, yet somewhat funny correct connection to me. Not really. Really.

Is your personality a firey one? Are you perhaps a little explosive in the mornings? This magical test aims to give you the appropriate warning label to display to your friends. Wether you are annoyed by cigarette smoke, a little radioactive, or about to fall into a hole, this test will give you and your friends some idea about that part of our personality they need to look out for! This test has taken off like wildfire. Don't be the last to warn your friends!

Thanks missfrecklehead/Cecily

Look out for the

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Horror Within

Um, yes, my name, I don't know what my name is. Who is this man sitting next to me? Why am I here?

Oh wait! My name is Katie Holmes! Holy crap! I'm being held hostage on my own free will because I want a bigger career, but why are they drugging me into submission? Oh! I know! It's because of ...

...him! The evil man that I sold my soul to one year ago this coming April!

*sniff, sniff* They're taking me away again! Don't you people see I just have a pillow under my sweater and fabulous white trench? I'm a good Catholic girl I am. He's not even planning on marrying me because our contract is only for one year. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

You've Got Mail

Hell to the nah!

Actually, I don't get the mail I want. All I want are my darned magazines. Is that too much to ask?

Everyday, when I get home, I leave and lock my car. I begin the long walk from my car to my mailbox. As I approach the entrance of my building, my breathe catches in my throat and my heart races in anticipation of finding my beloved Entertainment Weekly/Advocate/Real Simple in my mailbox.

I walk to my mailbox. I put my key in the lock. I open it and there, after six months of torture, sits an empty mailbox space.

I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my mail can't! I wanna know Whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?????????????? (Steel Magnolias...remixed) I don't think I can take this! I just want to *hit* somebody to make them feel as badly as I do!

Why are the mail gods so cruel?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Sum of all Fears

I'm glad McDonald's stopped carrying these. There's just something innately wrong with a cup-o-salad that you shake after you put dressing on it. It's just wrong I tell you! Wrong! Plus it freaks me out just this much.

Monday, March 20, 2006

High Fidelity II

More music that I've been listening to:

  • L-O-V-E - Fisher
  • Life in Mono - Mono
  • These Words - Natasha Bedingfield
  • Roller Boogie - Bob Esty
  • Kara Saun's fashion week runway music...available online
  • Alphabet St. - Prince

Read Window

Every Monday morning around 3 a.m. without fail there is a garbage truck that comes to empty the huge ass cannister/thingy right outside my bedroom window. This terrible practice has been going on for over a year, but I haven't bothered to call anyone to complain because I'm usually able to fall asleep right afterward.

However, these last few weeks, that damned truck startles me out of a sound sleep EVERY MONDAY MORNING and I can't fall back asleep for quite some time. I called the company that hires the driver and complained two weeks ago.

Me: Hi, um, yes, I live in the condos behind the 2800 block of Dickory...

Dispatcher at garbage co.: Yeah

Me: Well, um, it used to be that one of your people would come in his truck around 4 or 5 in the morning, but lately he's been clanging his garbage can much earlier than that.

Dispatcher: Yeah, ok, I'll tell him to pick up later.

Me: *feeling totally used and somewhat abused* Um, ok, thanks.

Naturally, fast forward to a week later and he's back picking up only 45 minutes later than he did before. I asked a co-worker of mine who's husband is a policeman what I could do. He told her that I should call the 911 and say that it was not an emergency. So, here I am, one week later and I am awake again because the DAMNED GARBAGE MAN came to pick up early. However, this time I called 911. As luck would have it, no one answered my 911 call and I just hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, I had a soft knock on my door. I rushed out of bed and looked through my peephole. There, standing outside my door, were three police officers...two male (one FINE one to the point of Porno Fantasy) and a lady officer. I opened my door and apologized profusely saying that on the advice of another police officer I was told to call 911. The lady officer had a very understanding look on her face, but it was a cross with understanding and "what a goof this guy is for calling us here" kinda face. You know? Fake sympathy mixed with "what an Idiot" looks. Then *HOT* policeman asked if I'd called the company to which I replied a resounding yes. He then said they would be paying a call to the garbage company. END SCENE.

Now I'm wide awake and a bit startled and I can't fall asleep. I hope that bastard doesn't pick up his garbage early next week because I may have to go out and tell him something. Probably not knowing me. UGH! I hate he of the big truck and little sensitivity to my sleep!!!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I Love You to Death

I love you to death, Darren McGavin! I was sad to hear that Mr. McGavin died on February 25th and that all the attention he got in the media outlets were small afterthoughts considering Don Knotts died a day earlier.

Mr. McGavin was never *that* well known. I first noticed him in one of the GREATEST of the CHEESIEST of all disaster flix "Airport 77". He played Stan Buchek who was an engineer with Stevens Airlines and a friend of Captain Don Gallagher played by Jack Lemmon. He, along with the rest of the cast, brought some levity to an otherwise unbelievable movie. (Trust me unbelievable in a bad way) A Boeing 747 crashes into the Pacific and not one bit of its cabin breaks! Then it all sinks to the bottom of the ocean because there was a breach in one of the cargo holds. Hmmm, it could happen!

If you want to see what a laserdisc looks like take a look at the scene right before the plane takes off. Also, here's a six degrees of Golden Girls. Well, maybe only one...Monte Markham who plays the banker in this movie also played Blanche's gay brother in two episodes of the Golden Girls.

Ahem, anyway, I believe his real claim to fame came with his appearance in "A Christmas Story".

He played Ralphie's old man. He's literally billed as"the Old Man." Ralphie was played by Peter Billingsley and his mom by Melinda Dillon. It's a wonderful holiday movie. A classic all it's own for showing how children interact with one another and their parents. As silly as it is, it all rings true because the actors, especially the children, are that good in it. He plays the perfect dad. He's stern, but loving at the same time. You can tell that he truly loves his family. He was the best! I'll miss you Darren McGavin!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

High Fidelity

Let it be known that I don't practice making top "anything" lists, but I changed my mind. Here are my current Top 10 songs to listen to in the car in no particular order:
  1. La Cienega - Ryan Adams
  2. South Side - Moby
  3. Sorry - Madonna
  4. Someone to Call My Lover - Janet Jackson
  5. The "L Word" Theme - Betty
  6. Where You Lead - Carol King
  7. Perfect Day - Duran Duran (remake of Lou Reed song)
  8. There Must Be An Angel - Eurythmics
  9. You Got It All - The Jets
  10. If You Were Here - The Thompson Twins

What Lies Beneath

I am home from work today because of Mardi Gras, not because I'm playing hooky, and I watched Oprah on my local station. A while back my sister mentioned to me that no matter who Oprah is interviewing, she always turns it around and inevitably makes it about her. I was looking forward to watching today's show because Oprah was interviewing Meg Ryan. I really liked Meg Ryan...pre-collagen lips and botox injections. Have you all seen her lately? Ewww!

Anyway, the interview was going on nicely until Oprah asked Meg about fame and the tabloids. Meg went on to say that she basically ignored or did not read what was printed about her. Without skipping a beat, Oprah turned it all around and had to mention how she does not read the tabloids and how it affects her because her own employees talk about what's being said about her at the water cooler.

Honestly! It's not *all* about you, Oprah! I know you make lots of money. I know you are extremely charitable and you've given lots of money, but it doesn't always have to have an undercurrent about you running through it all the time. I know. Your show is called Oprah after all, but still. Give it a rest with your truth!

Two Postscripts here:

  • Around the last ten minutes or so of Meg's interview, Ms. O did a piece on Meg's spiritual trip to India (featured in "O" magazine this month, btw). Do I even have to say anymore? Ms. O had to mention her leadership school for girls she is personally overseeing in Africa. Great for the girls in that African country, bad timing for a plug about your charitable work. The moment was all about Meg and not you Ms. O. *sigh*

  • The second half hour Ms. O had Lucy Liu and her video about Pakistan and the earthquake that killed many. Lucy Liu was looking like she'd been spared Ms. O's truth, when at the last minute, before thanking her, she began comparing Pakistan's experience with her own personal 9/11 experience and how *she*felt about it. Pitiful.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Circle of Friends

Leave it to me to make a connection with "Project Runway" and my friends. Wanna hear? Here it go.

I was looking at the designers--> Chloe, Santino, Nick, Daniel V. and, yes, even Kara Janx ("Danjah! No Trespassing!" said in a S. African accent...don't get me started on her) and I was thinking that they are extremely talented people who can create something out of a piece of cloth. Then I began thinking of my friends like Vinny, Silly-monkey, Wordsmith and Cecily who can take something and make it into something different.

Vinny can take parts of a bike with a couple of tools (how butchy lesbian of him) and create a brand new bike. He's also able to print stuff on his shirts. OK, maybe, you may think putting prints on shirts is not that hard, but I can't do it. You have to come up with a drawing and stuff. Hard...errr, should I maybe have said Difficult? He's also a talented photographer. Even though this is a button design of his, he can probably put it on a tee.

Take just kidding. He's extremely talented with sewing and painting. He's excellent with colors and seeing a whole palette of colors and making them work. He's very good at convincing you that his throwaways are FABULOUS enough for you to take home. So, if he invites you over and shows you a pile of stuff..RUN!

Wordsmith...Gawd! He makes THE BEST chocolate chip cookies. Kid you not! He's also great at picking things out of garbage piles and seeing something in it that no one else sees. He then makes it into something that is wonderfully creative. I'm not saying he walks around looking for garbage, but he'll tell you that if he sees it, he will take it home.

Cecily...What can I say about Cecily? She's fantastic with a crochet needle. She may deny it, but she does a good job. She can knit me a scarf anyday. She even makes great holiday wreaths! ---->

Then I think of me, and as I was telling my sister today(sort of jokingly) that my biggest talents are picking out nose jobs and wigs. Ask my boyfriend MSH. He'll tell you too. I can pick out a nose job from 20 ft away (distance not proven yet). Don't even get me started on wigs! What in the world am I giving back to this world? Donna over there...nose job and she could only wish it was a wig.
What sort of beauty am I providing? (sigh)

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Dead Ringers

Every three weeks, without fail, I get my haircut. I love getting my haircut, but not for the reasons you might think. I love getting my haircut because the guy cutting my hair is very easy on the eyes. He's been cutting my hair for about 10 years now. He's almost my second boyfriend! (I can dream, Biotches!) hehehe

His name is Rae. I find it kinda crazy that I just learned his last name about a month ago. I won't say it here, but it's not what I imagined it to be. Rae Hottie, Rae McHot, Rat Hottenstein,...

Anyway, if I were to describe him I would say he's a mixture of Adam Goldberg (Yummy Jewish boy...never dated a Jewish boy) and Eddie McClintock (Scottish? Irish?...let me know). Not bad, huh? I'll show you what I mean...

Isn't he cute!?

Can't you picture him?

I know I can.

Friday, February 17, 2006


I'll just say this...two days ago was the first time and hopefully the last time I ever feel my nutsack quickly recede back into my body. I won't go into any details, but it happened because someone at work upset me. This weird physical sensation taught me that what is said to me is not necessarily what I think is being said to me. And if it is, then it's not worth me having my boys crawl back into my body.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Grudge

I work in a public school, so more often than not, I am surrounded by women. I'm not sexist by any means. I love women...not sexually, but I love them.

What I don't love is the constant state of gossip and drama that follows them wherever they my school. Let me just add that I want to believe that other workplaces are not like this.

One particular co-worker of mine, I'll call her Ballsy, is the hub of all gossip at my school. She and I have been "friends" for a long time now. We were actually very good friends until around this year.

Due to hurricane Katrina, hiring or spending any money at public schools in my parish was not allowed. Because of that, some of our teachers that were not homeroom teachers had to go into classes that had no teachers when school started back up again. Ballsy was one of those teachers. Even though I do not have a homeroom, I was never put into one of those classrooms. While I am eternally thankful that I was not put into that situation, I don't know why I was somehow not put through all that. Well, when Ballsy found out this was going to happen she slowly started transforming into this former image of herself that was there a while ago. She becomes this bitter, constantly griping harpy. I can't stand that side of her.

I felt badly already because she was put into that situation, but then Ballsy kept asking me, in a not-so-friendly tone, why I wasn't being put into a classroom? She had a point, but I had no answer for her. I couldn't possibly help her situation.

I always take things more personally than I should, but her tone and the way she talks to me is certainly not the way she would talk to her other friends. It's my fault for allowing it to happen. I hate confrontation. HATE IT!

I'm upset with myself as much as I am upset with her.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Star Wars...or some may call it Oscar Time!

Oscar season has begun! The grass is greener. The flowers are blooming in the early morning dew. God, how I love Oscar season.

It's that time of year when Oscar campaigning goes on full blast and the stars actually begin to believe they have a chance at winning one of those golden statuettes.

Who will win? Who will the Oscar go to? Tune in on Sunday, March 5th to your local ABC affiliate.

Here's a list of nominees available at

Monday, January 30, 2006

Apocalypse Now!...a.k.a. David Gest & Da Brat

You: Look, Breezy, you can see two people kissing.

Me: What's going on?

What are David and Da doing?

You: I don't know.

Me: My, God! They're kissing!

Oh, my God, they're uncomfortably kissing!

Are they're using their tongues?

My eyes, my eyes!

I can't see!

I'm blind!